Good Enough for Her
by Videre
Summary: While Kenshin finds himself haunted by nightmares of a new kind, Kaoru desperately struggles to understand the role she must play in the life of the man she loves. KxK


Title: Good Enough For HerAuthor: hollowhouse  
Rating: PG - for some gruesome images.  
Pairing: Kenshin/Kaoru  
Started: June 2nd, 2006  
Finished: June 12th, 2006  
Warnings: None really, my only warning other then the one mentioned under rating is that I know NO Japanese, and I may have mutilated Kenshin's speech pattern. Sorry! Forgive me. Also, LJ killed the format, sorry!

**AN:** This is by far the longest one-shot I've ever written! I intended it to be around 3500 words, and it ended up being over two-times that. XD It just got away from me completely. Overall I'm just glad to be done with it. My writing is not up to the standard I wish it was, and it can be quite frusterating at times. Still, I think it's a different look at a scenario that has been used before, so maybe it'll be interesting. I hope you enjoy!

"_italics_" – Dream sequence  
'word'- Thought (only used once)

* * *

Good Enough for Her 

* * *

_Slender, calloused hands scrubbed gently but firmly at a yellow silk kimono partially submerged in a basin of soapy water. Reaching his forearm up to wipe the laundry water off his face, Kenshin smiled softly to himself. The simple peace of the chore was not one that he expected to experience in his lifetime, and he reveled in it's quaint comfort for a moment. Dunking the yellow fabric back into the chilled water one final time before rising, Kenshin placed the newly cleaned garment on the clothing line to dry._

_A soft crack in the distance startled Kenshin out of his peaceful haze and he turned towards the dojo, his eyebrows furrowing. At first glance nothing seemed out of place in the familiar wooden structure, but the unusual silence that had fallen over the Kamiya dojo didn't sit right in his stomach._

_Trailing his fingers down to find the reassuring feel of the hilt of his sakabatou at his waist, he walked quickly towards the building. He knew he was probably overreacting, but he couldn't help but be defensive of his surrogate family after so much bad had happened to them. As he stepped onto the porch he kicked his shoes off thoughtlessly before moving forward._

"_Kaoru-dono?" He called softly into the house, stepping into the hallways tenatively; there was no need to wake her or Yahiko if they had fallen asleep. He waited a moment but no response came, so he stepped deeper into the house. Everything was perfectly still and the tingle of fear in his belly grew slightly as he realized he couldn't sense the ki of anyone in the household. Even if they were resting, he should have felt something…_

_A soft sound brushed past his sensitive ears, making him stop dead in his tracks. It came again as gentle and quiet as it had been the first time, then again. Something was dripping._

_Frowning, Kenshin moved towards the sound swiftly, at the same time wrapping his fingers firmly around the hilt of his sakabatou and pulling it gracefully from it's sheath. The subtle sound of dripping grew significantly louder as he neared the large practice room housing all of Kaoru's classes. _

"_Kaoru-dono?" He called again, slightly louder this time, at the same time sliding the paper door open and stepping into the room. Trying to ignore the irrational twinge of panic rising in his throat, he glanced around him for the source of the dripping._

_Kaoru's corpse lay propped up against the wall, her legs splayed like those of a child beneath her and a long sword was stuck through her heart, pinning her to the wall behind her. The soft sound of dripping echoed throughout the room as blood fell from the cross that had been roughly carved across her left cheek and hit the pool of blood gathered around the lower portion of her body. Glassy blue eyes started accusingly at Kenshin, lifeless and mocking him._

"_N-no… no, not again." He gasped desperately, the sakabatou falling from his violently trembling grasp as his whole body went weak in pain and horror._

_"No!"_

_

* * *

_

Pale violet eyes snapped open, blinking several times before the ceiling of his room came into focus. Squeezing his eyes closed again, he breathed in roughly, half gasping in the aftermath of his nightmare. A slightly shaky hand reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose between his thumb and pointer-finger trying to push the image of Kaoru's dead body from his mind.

Meeting the inevitable failure he had come to expect, Kenshin proped himself up with his arms and quickly pushed himself onto his feet. Untangling his blankets from his legs and padding silently over to the door, he pushed it open gently and walked into the dark hallways of his home. He didn't bother to light any candles to avoid waking anyone and because he knew that he could navigate the house flawlessly in the dark even without the aid of a light source. While walking the familiar route through the hallways, he couldn't help but speed up his stride a little, the ghostly sound of dripping still echoing in his ears.

As he reached his destination he felt a tingle of anxiety in his veins and pushed the door open only wide enough for his thumb to fit through. Resting his fiery red head on the corner of the doorway to look through the crack he had created, he let a wave relief to wash over him.

Inside the room her could see Kaoru's small slumbering form curled up on her futon, breathing peacefully. Her hair had come loose from it's braid and lay in a black pool around her neck and shoulders, contrasting sharply with her pale skin. Her hands were up by her face, her fingers curling gently around a couple of locks of hair that would sway gently with every breath she released.

Just for that brief moment Kenshin let himself love her completely and without reservation. He smiled softly as he watched her, trying to commit the image of her sleeping form to memory in place of the bloody corpse doll that haunted him. Still, he knew that the image of her dead form would stay with him forever, even if it had only been a puppet-master's doll.

Knowing his moment of peace was over, Kenshin pushed the door closed carefully so he did not disturb the room's occupant from her peaceful slumber. He turned softly on his heel to return to his room, though he knew he would find no rest there this night.

* * *

Kaoru woke the next morning to the warm, familiar smell of breakfast cooking. Smiling happily to herself, she quickly untangled herself from the stubborn bed sheets and stood to get dressed. Pulling on a brightly colored kimono and obi and tying her hair up in her signature pony tail in record time, she was out of the room after only a few minutes. Her stomach gurgled in anticipation of the warm breakfast she could smell waiting for her and she sped up her pace to arrive in the kitchen.

Just as she expected, when she entered the room Kenshin looked up to give her his warmest smile.

"Good morning, Kaoru-dono. Did you sleep well?" He asked, his gentle smile unwavering even as he returned to the task of preparing breakfast.

"Very well, thank you. And you?" She responded cheerfully, content to watch his hands deftly chopping the vegetables in front of him. She vowed then that someday she would learn to cook for him so he could wake up to the smell of breakfast cooking every once in a while. The thought made her smile.

"Sessha is well rested, that I am." He responded pleasantly, gathering together the meal he had prepared as he spoke, "Breakfast should be ready soon if you wish to wake Yahiko."

Kaoru looked thoughtful for a moment, then shook her head, more to herself then the redheaded swordsman beside her.

"No, I think I'll let him sleep. If he wants a warm meal he should learn to wake sooner." She declared firmly, even though she knew she truly just letting her student sleep a bit longer. Young boys did need a lot of sleep, after all, and the last thing she needed was grumpy ten year old on her case all day.

Kenshin smiled at her in a knowing way, "Aaa… whatever you wish Kaoru-dono." He said, setting two small ceramic bowls full of fragrant food on the table at the same time.

Kenshin went to retrieve their tea, and Kaoru smiled gently to herself as she settled herself in front of her breakfast.

Her relationship with Kenshin had changed since the incident with Enishi and she knew it. He was still Kenshin with his unique excessive politeness and distant smiles, but small steps had been made and Kaoru reveled in them. The redheaded man seemed to laugh more and his smiles seemed more true then they ever had been before, but most importantly he finally seemed to be telling her things. Not the most important things, she was sure, but the small snippets of information he did give her were leaps and bounds better then the strict secrecy he had kept before.

Kaoru's smile widened slightly as Kenshin returned and seated himself next to her gracefully, giving her a small smile as he did. Kaoru carefully poured the tea and they began to eat their meal in comfortable silence.

About halfway through their meal Kaoru felt an inexplicable sense of unease rise in her chest. Furrowing her brow slightly, she tried to discern where he discomfort came from for a moment before her eyes fell on the man sitting next to her.

Kenshin was staring unseeingly at his rice, his chopsticks moving just enough to push small bunches of rice about aimlessly in the cup. His warm smile had dropped from his face leaving him with a weary, exhausted look twisted on his features.

"Kenshin?" She asked tentatively, her eyebrows turned downward in worry. He startled her again by jerking violently at the sound of her voice, his chopsticks clattering loudly against the side of his bowl as his hand twitched in surprise. His startled purple eyes rose to meet hers for the briefest of moment before dropping down to look at his own hands in surprise. Kaoru forgot to breathe for a moment.

"Sessha apologizes, Kaoru-dono." He said gently, quickly regaining his composure, "You seem to have caught me daydreaming, that you did." He gave her a reassuring smile, but it seemed terribly empty and did little to alleviate her worries. Kenshin turned back to eating his breakfast like nothing had happened, but Kaoru suddenly found herself lacking an appetite.

Extrinsically things went back to being relatively normal for the rest of the day, but she couldn't help but notice that Kenshin seemed somehow distracted and empty behind his smiles and polite words. What hit Kaoru the hardest about his odd behavior was when she settled on the porch to talk to him after dinner like they always did he politely excused himself after only a couple of minutes and disappeared into the house without any further comment. The ritual was Kaoru's favorite part of the day, and she couldn't help but feel a stab of unhappiness in her heart.

Kaoru went to sleep that night early and with a watery frown on her face.

* * *

_Kenshin stoked the fire beneath the bathhouse gently, listening happily to Kaoru singing to herself in the bath. She didn't have a particularly beautiful voice, but the cheerful warmth of her song brought an gentle sense of bliss to him. Sometimes he wondered if she realized how much he enjoyed listening to her sing or if she just did it to amuse herself, but the more he thought about it, knowing Kaoru, he was almost positive she knew. She may have been a bit oblivious in some respects, but he knew she would never miss a way to make a member of her motley little family even the tiniest bit happier._

_"Kaoru-dono, is the water temperature to your liking?" He called through the thin walls, trying to keep some of the intense wave of affection he felt out of his voice._

_"Yes, it's fine Kenshin." She called back, and he could hear her smile in the tone of her voice. "I think I'm going to get out now though."_

_"Alright. I'm going to get water from the well to put out the fire." He called into the bath house, not wanting her to call for him and be surprised when he didn't respond. She would worry herself, and that simply was not acceptable._

_"Okay." She replied, and he could hear the water shift inside the small building._

_Kenshin found himself smiling a little as he walked towards the well, humming the soft tune Kaoru had sung. It was not a complicated or intricate song, just a simple little melody that looped over and over in his head. He timed the beat of the song along with his footsteps, slowing down slightly when he realized the song sounded better when drawn out, then speeding up again when he got bored with going slow._

_Amused by his own childlike antics Kenshin arrived at the well with an honest smile on his face. In all of his life he had never met anyone that could make him act so unintentionally silly. Pretending was easy, but with the constant weight of his sins upon his heart really feeling this way was so rare… he didn't deserve it, but he couldn't stop himself._

_Hauling the water out of the well, he hurried back to the bath house. Kaoru must be wondering what was taking him so long, and he would have no sane response to give her if she asked._

_Coming to a quick stop in front of the small fire under the bath, he poured the water onto the flame carefully. The flame died with a hiss and a plume of steam. Turning his head towards the bath, he smiled gently._

_"Kaoru-dono, I'm back." He called. "The fire is out now, that it is." Kenshin waited for a moment, but to his surprise received no reply. "Kaoru-dono?"_

_Inside the bath house he heard a soft sloshing noise then heard water spill from the tub onto the floor. Judging from the sound of the water spilling into water, the tub had overflowed at some point._

_"Kaoru-dono, is everything okay?" He called, already moving towards the entrance as long fingers of worry wrapped around his entire being. Reaching the entrance quickly, he knocked on the door sharply. "Kaoru-dono!"_

_When his cry again received no response he flung the door open roughly only to be greeted by a rush of pink water. The warm liquid spilled over his toes, soaking him up to his ankles before washing out the door and streaming into the ground. Kenshin didn't even notice._

_Before him Kaoru's nude form lay half sprawled out of the tub, her torso draped over the edge and her arms dangling in front of her. A sheet of wet black hair fell in front of her, hiding most of her upper-half from his view, but it could not hide the blood that was pouring down her arms in streams nor the discoloration of the water around her._

_"Kaoru!" He cried in terror, rushing forward. His sandals splashed as he ran but he paid no attention to the water at all, planting one hand and vaulting himself into the tub to pull Kaoru's limp body into his arms. Holding her naked body tightly to his own with one arm, with the other he desperately tried to push her hair away from her face. Her head lulled back lifelessly as he pulled her closer to his now saturated gi, her hair falling back to reveal a familiar bloody cross on her cheek and a fatal stab wound just above her left breast._

"_No!"_

_

* * *

_

Kaoru's eyes fluttered open quickly, only to be met with an unfamiliar darkness. Blinking her large blue eyes a few times, she lie still in her futon trying to gather her wits about her. It was obviously not daytime yet, what had woken her? Thoughtlessly rolling her head to the right, she blinked in surprise.

Her door was open the tiniest bit, just enough to fit a finger through.

Gently extracting herself from her blankets, she stood and walked over to the door as quietly as she could. She knew Kenshin slept lightly, and didn't wish to wake him by stomping across her room in the middle of the night. Reaching out to the door with one pale hand, she slid it closed as gracefully as she could.

"There." She whispered in satisfaction.

Walking quietly back to her futon, she settled herself into the familiar blankets carefully, laying back and curling on her side to face towards the door. Her sleepiness caught up with her, and she sighed softly before rolling herself over to face the other direction and dozing back into a dreamless sleep.

"I think I'm going to need to go to the market today, if that's okay with you Kaoru-dono." Kenshin said lightly as the three residents of the Kamiya dojo ate their lunch. "Is there anything you need?"

"No, I'm fine." She said, trying to give him a convincing smile but it came out feeling wobbly and fake. She was having a hard time acting normal with Kenshin's bizarre behavior constantly gnawing at her insides.

Kaoru could have sworn the smile on the redhead's face wavered for just the briefest of moments, but if it did he recovered in an instant . "Very well. What about you Yahiko?"

The ten year-old glanced up from inhaling his lunch for a couple of seconds, frantically shook his brown head then went back to his food. "Nope." He finally managed to get out between bites, wiping his mouth with the back of his arm, "Though I don't know why you don't send busu here to do the shopping, she is the woman after all… supposedly."

"You little-!" Kaoru fumed, feeling her face flush hotly with anger, "You ungrateful little brat! I should throw you out on you butt for that! See if you can find some nice lady shopping that'll take in your bratty little-"

"Maa, maa, I don't mind doing the shopping for Kaoru. Chores are small favors in return for what she does for us." Kenshin said quickly, waving his hands desperately in a peacemaking gesture. His efforts to calm the brewing storm worked but only because Kaoru's felt her anger drain from her as quickly as it came when she heard his words.

"You know what? Whatever, Yahiko-_chan_. For that you get to clean the entire dojo before dinner." Kaoru said calmly, sticking her nose up in the air in a superior manner. The brown-haired boy looked at her incredulously.

"You've got to be kidding!" He wailed, the prospect of wasting a whole day running up and down the dojo with a cloth obviously looping in his head. "What about my training?"

"When you learn to respect your elders, you'll spend less time sweeping and more time practicing swordsmanship." She replied, immensely pleased with herself. "I'd get going if I were you, if you aren't done by dinner I'll add 1000 swings to that too."

"Stupid, ugly woman…" The boy grumbled, stomping out the room and slamming the door behind him with all of his ten year-old might.

Ignoring the boy's last comments, Kaoru's superior smile instantly slid off her face once the door closed. Her worried eyes turned to watch Kenshin gathering dishes. She wanted to ask him a thousand different questions regarding his unusual behavior but quickly discarded the idea, deciding to give herself more time to think before she bothered him.

"I think I'm going to take a bath." She declared as she stood from her seat, looking forward to the prospect of relaxing for a little while after such a stressful lunch.

Kaoru jumped slightly in surprise as the dish Kenshin was holding clattered loudly as it slid from his grip and hit the table. Surprised by his uncharacteristic show of genuine clumsiness, Kaoru looked at him wide-eyed. Quickly collecting the dish and returning to the its rightful place with the other lunch dishes, he gave a small laugh.

"Sorry Kaoru-dono, sessha is a bit uncoordinated today it seems." He gave her his best smile, but instead of placating her unease it made it rise into a painful knot in her throat. There was no real joy in that smile, just the familiar curve of his lips.

"Kenshin…" She murmured unintentionally in her discomfort, and his expression changed from one of false happiness to one of confusion.

"Yes, Kaoru-dono?" He asked, gathering a few more dishes as he spoke and adding them carefully to his pile.

Kaoru struggled internally with herself for a moment, but finally she made a decision. She still didn't wish to bother him but she couldn't ignore the rising feeling in her gut any longer.

"Kenshin…" She repeated, feeling silly but completely unsure where to start, "What…what's going on?" She finally managed to ask in a low, serious voice. It wasn't what her heart truly wanted to know, but it was as close as she could get without breeching the unspoken barrier Kenshin kept around himself.

"Oro?" He replied, blinking his violet eyes rapidly in surprise.

Kaoru gave him an unhappy look, trying to catch his eyes in the process but ultimately failing.

"What is going on?" She ask more firmly this time, determined to get answers from the stubborn man still gathering dishes as if she had said nothing at all.

"Forgive me, but sessha does not understand what-"

"Stop!" She snapped, cutting him off. Kenshin's eyes widened, surprised by her frusterated tone "Just please stop." She said timidly this time, looking down at her hands in embarassment. This caught his attention.

"What's wrong, Kaoru-dono?" He asked gently, his eyebrows drawing together in concern as he took a tenative step towards her. "Have I done something to upset you?"

Torn between worry and embarrassment, she raised her hand to her mouth to nervously chew on the end of one of her nails for a moment before speaking.

"No. It's just… you've been acting strange," She dropped her hand, fiddling with it in front of her, "and I was hoping that by now you would trust me enough tell me when something is wrong instead of trying to hide it."

She looked up from her hands when she felt a slender hand settle on her silk-clad shoulder. Her beloved redhead gave her a tender smile, his sweet eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. Her chest tightened when she met his gaze and felt the warmth of his hand sink through the fabric and into her shoulder.

"There is nothing for you to worry about, Kaoru-dono. I am perfectly fine." He gave her shoulder a tiny squeeze before letting his hand drop back to his side. "Sessha is very sorry for worrying you."

Feeling slightly disoriented in the aftermath of his gentle touch, she returned his smile thoughtlessly. "It's nothing to be sorry for."

"Well then, I going to go start your bath, that I am." He said cheerfully, stepping past her to the door.

"You don't have to do that. What about the market?" She asked, though it was not at all what she had intended to say. He turned his fiery red head around to give her that same gentle smile once again.

"It can wait." He said simply, and with that he left, closing the door behind him with a gentle click.

Kaoru watched the door he had exited from for a long moment before turning to finish collecting the dishes Kenshin had abandoned. Trying to gather her jumbled thoughts, she noisily deposited the dishes in the sink to be dealt with later.

A short time later she attempted to sort though the strange conversation as she bathed. She was not entirely sure she believed his reassuring words, but his gentle touch and soft smile forced her to accept them for the time being. She didn't want to believe Kenshin would lie to her face, but it was impossible to ignore the bizarre inconsistences in his behavior for the past two days. She had managed to disregard his shaken behavior for a time, but when at lunch he had forgotten to add the "-dono" to her name she couldn't help but question him.

Still, she trusted him to the depths of her heart, so for now she would take his words as the truth. She would be watching him like a hawk, though.

"Is everything to your liking, Kaoru-dono?" She heard him call though the walls of the bath house, and she couldn't help but smile at his constant fretting. The man was such a worry-wart.

"It's fine, Kenshin." She replied, pausing her gentle humming to do so. As she washed, she sang a song her father used to sing to her when she was a child. It always calmed her, and she had always liked to think it would provide some comfort to the hurting soul outside the bathhouse too.

"Kaoru-dono?" She heard him call through the walls, his voice sounding a little strange to her ears.

"Yes?" She called back, stopping in the middle of her song.

"What is that song you always sing?" He asked.

"Oh, it's just something my father used to sing." She replied, surprised, "Why do you ask?"

"You have a very lovely singing voice, Kaoru-dono." Was all he said in response, but she didn't mind.

"Thank you." She replied, feeling her cheeks grow warm as his compliment settled over her. She knew her voice was very average, but the genuine way he spoke about it made her feel like it truly was something to be proud of.

That night she went to a sleep with questions still swirling in her mind, but a content smile lingering on her small pink mouth.

* * *

_Gracefully lowering himself to sit on the porch and stretching his slender legs in front of him, Kenshin closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the wall behind him. The soft light of the setting sun warmed his face as he allowed his weary body relax for a moment. _

_He listened to the world around him intently, taking in the rustle of leaves in the breeze and the gentle chirping of bugs all around him. In the distance he could hear the sound of rushing water and the song of a young bird. His lips twitched upwards slightly as he heard the soft crunch of sandaled feet approaching the porch from a distance._

"_Welcome home, Kaoru-dono." He said, slowly opening his lavender eyes and turning his head to eagerly take in her the sight of her in the waning light. As she stood in front of him in a kimono the color of a golden sunset and with a bright smile on her face he felt a soothing warmth spread through his veins. "How was the market today?" He asked softly._

"_It's was nice. The weather is so beautiful and everything was so busy today!" She responded with a smile, standing a short distance from where he sat with the bundle of the goods she had purchased wrapped securely in her arms._

"_Aaa… I'm sure it was." He replied, enjoying their pointless small talk more than he should have. "Did you find anything interesting there today?"_

"_Not really…" She answered simply, but the pang of longing her eyes told him otherwise. Kenshin felt a harsh stab of regret in his stomach. The petite kendo master was supporting all three of the residents of the dojo completely independently and he knew it was not without sacrifices. Realizing that he was little but a burden to her at times, he forced his tired limbs into a standing position._

"_Maa, maa. Kaoru-dono, are you certain you saw nothing you liked?" He questioned gently, standing beside her and tilting his head to look at the bundle in her arms. _

"_Well…" She started reluctantly, "There was this really beautiful kimono at one of the stands," She quickly continued on when she saw guilt flash in his eyes, "but I really have no need for a new kimono, the ones I have are more than enough already. I really spoil myself sometimes with these things, so I'm glad I didn't buy it."_

_Giving a small, melancholy sigh, he reached a hand to brush his fingers across the hem of her kimono near her the neck. She gasped slightly, her cheeks flushing warmly as his hand brushed the sensitive skin of her collar on accident. _

"_This kimono has a small tear here," he breathed softly, the sight of her flushed face was like a drug, making his mind sluggish and heavy as he tried to think. Trailing his hand lightly across her shoulder and down her arm to a small stain on the wrist, "A tea stain here," his hand moved from her wrist up to her small waist and he heard her inhale sharply. Tracing his fingers upward across the deep violet of her obi, he paused his assent just under her left breast, "And a bloodstain here."_

_For a long moment neither of them moved, enthralled by the impossible closeness of their bodies. Kaoru's eyes had fluttered closed under his touch and remained closed as the stood, her flushed face glowing in the intensity of the setting sun. Kenshin's foggy mind was enthralled by the sight, suddenly unable to remember the point he had intended make with his gentle touches._

"_Kenshin…" Kaoru breathed, her voice thick with emotion._

_The sound of his name spoken so tenderly from her lips brought Kenshin back to reality, and he jerked his hand away from her body with all the speed he possessed. Taking a swift step backward, he lowed his head to her in intense shame._

"_Sessha terribly sorry Kaoru-dono, please forgive me, sessha had absolutely no right-"_

_The familiar scent of jasmine overwhelmed his senses as she abandoned her bundle of purchases and flung her thin arms around him. Her soft black hair pressed against his cheek as she nuzzled the lower-half of her face into his shoulder, needy fingers gripping at the back of his gi._

"_No. Don't apologize, I won't let you." She murmured determined into his shoulder, tightening her grip on him even further as she spoke. There was something so desperate in her actions, Kenshin couldn't bring himself to push her away._

"_Kaoru… I…" He tried to speak, but he couldn't manage to articulate a reasonable sentence with her warm body pressed so lovingly against his. "I…"_

"_I'm sorry." He croaked._

_His hand fell to the hilt of the sakabatou and in one smooth motion he pulled it from the sheath and embedded it deep in her heart. Warm blood sprayed from the wound as her heart beat one last time, splattering his gi and bare chest crimson. With her eyes wide with betrayal, the flesh on her left cheek errupted, spewing blood from the cross that had somehow formed there._

"_Ke…in…" Her lifeblood bubbled from her lips as her body convulsed and went weak in his arms._

_"No!" _

_

* * *

_

"No!"

Kaoru's blue eyes snapped open, glancing around frantically for the source of her abrupt awakening. For a moment her sleep-hazed mind didn't find anything in the pitch black of night but then the sound of frantic footsteps heading away from her registered in her conscious. She sat up quickly, her mind becoming clear in an instant. Hastily pushing herself from her tangled futon, she clumsily stumbled to the door. Pulling the door open, she hurried down the dark hallway in the same direction the footsteps had been heading. When she saw the door to the outside had been flung her pace grew nearly into a run.

Stepping out into the chilly night air and onto the porch of the dojo, her worried eyes instantly spotted a familiar form hunched over a short distance away. It was immediately obvious to Kaoru that Kenshin had just been ill, his slender form heaving under the stress of his condition. His normally vibrant red hair was damp and tangled, and the pale skin of his face and arms gleaming slightly in the moonlight as he reached the back of his hand up to wipe his mouth.

She could tell he sensed her presence nearby when the muscles in his back went ridged and his panting stilled. Instantly straitening his back and lifting his head, he turned to walk towards her, carefully concealing his eyes beneath his auburn bangs.

Kaoru stood perfectly still as he approached, her voice frozen in uncertainty. She had never seen him like this before and it made her heart constrict painfully in her chest.

Finally he stopped by her side, not turning to look at her.

"It's very late Kaoru-dono, you should go back to sleep." He said quietly, his voice coming out raspy and raw. With those emotionless words, he started to step past her and into the house.

In that instant the twinge of bitter frustration that had stewed in Kaoru's stomach for the past few days exploded into full out anger. Stepping forward, she grabbed a handful of the back of his brightly colored gi and yanked him backwards roughly. The short swordsman stumbled back onto the porch in surprise.

"Oro!" he yelped as she roughly grabbed his shoulders and turned him around.

"Oh no you don't, Himura Kenshin!" She hissed, blue eyes blazing, "I put up with your stupid empty smiles and your stupid polite words and your stupid lies, but this is too much." Releasing the disoriented swordsman, she placed her hands firmly on her hips, "I demand to know what is wrong with you!"

Kenshin was looking at her with wide violet eyes. Between being sick and her temper explosion, even in the faint moonlight she could tell he was a wreck.

"Kaoru-dono…" He said weakly once he regained his senses, his eyes falling to the floor.

"Please, Kenshin." She said gently, feeling her anger quickly receding, "I don't like being ignored or lied to." She said honestly.

For a long moment he remained motionless, then finally he lowered himself to sit with his back up against the wall of the porch. Taking the action as in invitation, she settled herself down a little ways away from him, tucking her legs under herself as she sat. Waiting for him to talk, she took a moment to adjust her sleeping robe about herself. After a pregnant pause, the redhead spoke.

"I'm very sorry for upsetting you." He started, and as he saw her frown he quickly continued, "I did not want to burden you."

"Kenshin, you could never-" She started, but he interrupted her gently.

"So I see." He said, a small weary smile on his face. Kaoru couldn't help but hurt for him as she looked at his exhausted body, so tired he was barely able to function. "You have to understand," he started again, "I don't do these things to hurt you or because I don't trust you." Remembering her words from lunch, she nodded slightly.

"Kenshin…" She started, but once again he stopped her.

"It is nothing for you to worry yourself about, Kaoru-dono, but if you truly wish to know, sessha has been having…" He chose his words carefully, "unsettling dreams."

No matter how he worded it Kaoru still felt a flood of cold sadness wash through her. Sometimes it was all too easy to forget the suffering her dear friend went through, and it always hurt when she was once again reminded

"You should have told me." She said sadly, though she knew it wouldn't have made a difference even if he had. She could not take away his pain no matter how much we wished or tried. His pain was imbedded in him somewhere far deeper then she could reach. Someday, she hoped, he'd allow her to help him, but until then she didn't want to just accept it the way it was.

"I know." He said simply, resting his head back against the wall and closing his eyes in exhaustion. For what was perhaps the first time since Kaoru had met him all of his 29 years showed clearly on his face.

"What were they about?" She asked tentatively, "I mean, only if you want to talk about it." she quickly added when she saw him stiffen slightly.

"Sessha-" His voice stuck in his throat a little and he had to try again, "I dream of failing." He finally managed, burying his already hidden eyes deeper beneath his bangs.

"Of breaking your oath." She whispered, her stomach queasy with the realization. Before she could try and comfort him, he spoke again.

"Not exactly." He said, finally looking up at her with his overwhelmingly sad purple eyes, "Of failing to protect you… again." His voice seemed to lodge in his throat, and he looked back down at the ground.

Kaoru's heart wrenched in agony. Was that truly what had effected him so much… hurt him so much? She knew he cared for her but she also knew he dreamed of much more horrifying things in the past. Still, how had he hidden all this from her?

"Oh." She finally said weakly, unable to think of what to say to the defeated person in front of her. Kenshin had always held her together, and now that it was her turn to do the same she wasn't certain what to say. She squirmed slightly, extremely displeased with herself as she desperately searched for the right words.

"Maa, maa. You should go back to sleep Kaoru-dono." Kenshin said in a slightly stronger voice, instantly noticing her discomfort. It took him only a moment to gather his emotions and hide them neatly behind a small smile once more. "Sessha is sorry for keeping you awake…"

"You are a silly man, Himura Kenshin." Kaoru said, realizing with sudden clarity that she didn't need to know exactly what to say. Anything was better then saying nothing and letting him disappear into himself again.

"Oro?" He squeaked, seemingly uncertain how to respond to that. Smiling, Kaoru rose to her knees and crawled across the smooth wooden porch to carefully to sit next to him. Settling herself and arranging her sleeping robe again, she gave him her best smile.

"I'm way too stubborn to die." She chided him as if it was a well known fact, still beaming at him, "I'd have to leave the dojo to Yahiko, which is just not acceptable, and besides," her smiled turned soft, "I definitely can't leave you now."

For a long moment Kenshin remained silent and motionless. Kaoru fidgeted slightly, worried she may not have said the right thing. She was not particularly good with delicate situation, but she had tried...

"Look, Kenshin…" She started again tentatively, but she never got a change to figure out what she was going to say because at just that moment, Kenshin looked up at her.

He had a tender smile on his face and his eyes were crinkled slightly at the corners, though from joy or something else she did not know. The smile itself was not a very happy one but it had an honest warmth to it that she felt all the way down to her bones. The expression was one she had seen on his face only very rarely and she was uncertain how to interpret it.

"Thank you." He said simply, leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead. His warm lips lingered there for a moment, his fingers ghosting over her hair briefly. As he lingered their he sighed slightly, his breath tickling her forehead . He eventually broke the gentle touch by moving away a couple of inches, his eyes watching her's closely the entire time.

Flustered, she just watched the whole thing through a happy haze. After a second she gathered all the courage in her petite body and leaned forward to brush her mouth lightly against his. No one had felt those lips in a very long time, Kaoru was sure, but they remained warm and soft under her own. It was only the briefest of touches, but it was enough to make her whole body tingle warmly with a unique kind of happiness only he could bring her.

When she leaned back Kenshin's rust-colored eyebrows knitted in uncertainty. She knew he hadn't intended that to happen, but the slight flush of his cheeks and the soft emotion sparkling in the depths of his lavender eyes eased any worry Kaoru may have felt. Finally he seemed to regain his senses, familiar guilt twinging in his eyes.

This time she knew exactly what to say.

"It's okay, I can wait as long as you need me to." She said simply, her smile unwavering. She didn't wait for him to respond, instead effortlessly pushing herself to her feet and patting down her sleeping robe carefully.

"I'm going to go to bed unless you need me here." She said quietly, looking down at him. Knowing Kenshin, he needed time to think so she was going to give it to him as graciously as she could. Rushing him was a mistake she had made in the past and one that she ultimately had no intention of repeating.

To her surprise he gently reached up and took her small soft hand in his own. He seemed to be struggling with himself, his eyes unsure as he looked at their joined hands. Kaoru waited patiently. She had never been very good at waiting, but Kenshin had a way of making her kinder, gentler… better. She gave his calloused hand a gentle squeeze when she noticed he seemed lost in those familiar dark thoughts of his. Feeling the gentle grasp he, looked up at her with infinitely caring eyes.

"Sleep well Kaoru-dono." He finally said, releasing her hand from his own as he spoke.

It should have been a disappointment she knew, but Kaoru felt nothing but intense fondness for the man in front of her. It seemed he needed a little longer, so she would wait a little while longer. Progress was being made, and that was plenty for her.

"Goodnight Kenshin." She said simply, turning to enter the dojo again. She paused by the wooden doorway for a split second before entering, her soft voice floating back to the slouched figure on the porch, "Sweet dreams."

* * *

Kaoru woke the next morning to pure silence. The warm scent of breakfast cooking was noticeably absent, as were the soft footsteps of the cook himself.

Sitting up, she removed the blankets from her legs carefully. Pulling herself out of her tangled futon, she slid her door open and walked into the hall quietly. The sun had risen and she could hear the world awake and alive outside. Her feet padded gently to the doorway leading to the porch, and she pushed it open just enough to see through.

Sure enough, her guess had been correct. There on the porch slept her beautiful redhead, his arms resting on his legs and his head cushioned on his forearms. Red hair fell in front of him, catching the morning light like a wave of fire. His magenta gi gently rose as he breathed in deeply, then slowly fell as he released the air. He was the picture of peace to the young woman watching over him from inside.

Kaoru smiled at the sight before sliding the door closed gently, careful not to disturb his light slumber. He needed his sleep. Besides, this would be the morning she learned to make him breakfast, she decided. She wanted him to wake up like she did: to the smell of warm food cooking and the knowledge you were truly and completely at home. She was not as dense about her cooking as she made out to be; she knew it was bad. So she knew the rice would probably burnt, the vegitables most likely overcooked and the tea cold, but she was going to try anyway.

'After all', she thought, glancing back at the porch, 'you have to start somewhere'.

And that was good enough for her.

* * *

**End **

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